When I first started online dating and meeting gentlemen I wasn’t quite sure how things would progress when I reached the bedroom stage of the relationship. I am paralyzed from the chest down with some arm function. So, in order to get me into bed I have to have somebody lift me, take off my close, clean my catheter, and get me into position. Clearly this is not the most sexy activity and I was not quite sure how I was going to proceed with getting naked with men that I did not know very well.
As multiple dates progressed it was getting to the point where I was probably going to have to stop secret make out sessions around my apartment complex and take them upstairs. I explained to my gentleman callers I had caregivers that would help me with my daily living activities, but I did not explain what that entailed.
Several of these men were courting me and I felt I was at that point and comfortable to where I wanted to dive in and have sex with them. This still left me with the conundrum … How on earth was I going to look sexy for the first time?
I woke up one morning racking my brain because I had invited one of these men up to my bedroom on a Friday night and it was presently Wednesday morning. All of a sudden it dawned on me that I should be all prepared in bed for them so they did not have to do any work. I could put on sexy lingerie, tape my catheter tube to my body so they did not rip it out, lay myself in a somewhat attractive position, and have them walk into my apartment.
The next question that was playing in my mind was how to tell these guys that I would be ready for sex and all they had to do was walk into my apartment. I agreed with my caregivers beforehand that they would hide in their room when the guys walked in in order to not make them uncomfortable.
The term “UNDERWEAR DATE” was born. Essentially, I would be in my knickers and a sexy little blanket waiting for action! I didn’t think these guys would have any problem with the concept as I pretty much could not make it any easier for them 🙂 You must remember that this was a time in my life when I wanted to experiment sexually and I was not interested in a relationship. I needed to explore my body sexually and figure out what worked for me, and what did not. Clearly this would require a little bit of experimentation, a great deal of humor, and a carefree attitude.
I will not going to details of all of my underwear dates, but I will highlight a few of the funnies. The first guy that wandered into my bedroom was a 6”4 beautiful blonde with a great body. Naturally, I was quite nervous. He opened the door and I hollered from my bedroom for him to walk in. The look on his face was completely priceless… I don’t think he quite believed that I would literally be half naked on my bed for him. I wasn’t quite sure how he would react, but he closed the door, stripped down to his underwear, and literally jumped on my bed.
It took all of my willpower not to laugh out loud because he was in bright purple tiny little underwear. I did brief him on certain guidelines with respect to how my body should and should not bend. He listened eagerly and I think took all the points on board. He had full control, which not many men probably do anymore. He could literally put my body in any position and have his way with me.
There was a lot of laughing, dancing around my room, giggling, and just generally a fun time. Everything worked out from the physical side of things and I was just thrilled. Several hours later the time came when I needed him to leave. I had my little catheter tube taped to my body and I needed to pee … I certainly did not go over this part of the equation with him. I politely asked him to be on his merry way. He seemed completely puzzled that I did not want to snuggle or hang out for the night. I decided not to elaborate, but told him that we could arrange for another “Underwear Date” in the near future as my schedule allowed.
I had envisioned a scenario of how things should work out, and I’m happy to say, everything worked out to the precise detail! There was another gentleman who was several years younger than I was, I did feel like I was robbing the cradle, who was a very tall and blonde artist. He spent much of his time just observing my naked paralyzed body and telling me how much he wanted to paint me. I’m not quite sure I was up for that, but I agreed as I was quite confident I would not be calling him again.
The stories go on, but suffice to say I had a mission and vision, which I executed with flawless precision! These experiences were not so much about sex, but rediscovering my sexuality as a quadriplegic. I was in an entirely new body and prior to online dating I had only dated one guy since my injury. This did not leave much room for experimentation and I was, frankly, curious! Curiosity always seems to get the best of me as I simply have to try new things all the time.
To my fellow quadriplegics who have not yet embarked on discovering their sexual identity I will say this: planning is everything, curiosity is key, openness is crucial, and fun is mandatory!