I am often askedwhere I get my strength & determination to keep going when it’s one thing after another?
In short, I have mentally conditioned myself over 11 years to turn my daily pain struggles into purpose with the sole ambition of helping others realize that life is not over even when the seemingly darkest moment is upon you. I derive my strength from others positivity, family support, I’m sure a little bit of genetic grit somewhere thrown in there, and the constant urge to push through what feels like insurmountable challenges at times.
Quite frankly, it’s exhausting. It takes up nearly 1/3 of my day to just power through, but I do it. As I write this article I woke up sick as a dog and spent nearly an hour staring at the screen. I don’t have the luxury of lying in bed all day to get better because I would get pressure sores from staying in bed too long. So, I was forced to get up in my chair. Sure, I could have laid back all day and done absolutely nothing, but what I find gets me through moments where I just want to crawl on the couch and wait for tomorrow to come, is the fact that I know I may be helping others appreciate the fact that they are not alone. I do appreciate when I need to take a moment and scale back my day, but sheer determination keeps me going to make a difference in the world.
I don’t want to wake up at the end of my life and realize that I have just worked my ass off, but I want to make an impact in people’s lives in some way, shape or form. My husband and I are not going to have children, so I feel this incessant drive to keep going. I am fortunate because I have the innate ability to move from project to project without losing focus. I retain information quite well, learn quickly, and “just do it” as Nike would say. Please don’t misunderstand, this is a daily battle I take on in every moment because chronic pain can bring an ordinary person to their knees, and disrupt their entire lives. I appreciate we all handle pain differently.
I’ve written numerous articles on the importance of mental health and expressing the fact that “It’s okay, to not be okay.” I believe this wholeheartedly, but often times when I find myself writing articles and reflecting back on a challenging moment or week that I had had – I do it while I am in a better mental state analyzing my past feelings. Today I’m flipping this article on its head because as I write this I am definitely not okay in the feelings I have about my mental well-being at present, which feel wildly different than feelings expressed in hindsight. I think both perspectives are valuable and I offer you today a glimpse into what’s really going on in life and how I am attempting to handle it.
I find great comfort in knowing that I am not alone in my feelings because I get dozens of messages a day from folks expressing thanks for being extremely open with what I go through as a C6 quadriplegic who is dependent on other human beings to take care of me on a daily basis.
What prompted me to write this article was Naomi Osaka. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with this young lady, but she is a professional Japanese tennis player and has been ranked number one in the Women’s Tennis Association. She is dealing with a lot of the mental stresses that undoubtedly come along with being a top professional athlete in her field. Just the other day she did not want to partake in a press conference for her own mental well-being and was penalized with a $15,000 fine for not talking to the media after a match. There was an enormous amount of support around the globe acknowledging the importance of mental health from the public, sponsors, and corporations due to the fact that she was honest with yourself, and the world.
I’ve spent the better part of a decade learning to adapt, train, push forward, and fight for survival on a daily basis to, not only accept this life of spinal cord injury, but to thrive in it. For the most part, I believe I’ve done pretty well and professionally I seem to have the ability to seamlessly keep striving for greatness even when I am faced with strikingly devastating defeats.
In my personal life, especially the last few weeks, it feels as though life has been crumbling around me. It doesn’t matter if you have a disability as I am sure many of us feel this way, like failures, whether you’re a single parent trying to handle multiple children on your own, a high-powered CEO trying to meet quarterly profits, or a starving artist trying to make ends meet – we all have the ability to crumble as human beings. Now, it’s how we get back up that of course defines us.