New Zealand Wilderness Survival Trip (Part 2)

The Viking Adventure

As I wrote about in my previous blog our instructors did not let us know what adventure we would be partaking in until several hours before we headed out on an adventure. One of our first endeavors was taking a several day trip in these large wooden old-fashioned sailboats called Cutters.

Think of those old primitive wooden boats with giant oars that the Vikings used to row with. Well, somehow Outward Bound had constructed some of these boats with a very primitive sail. We packed up a minimal amount of gear and food into some dry bags, and were told to swim with our gear fully loaded to get out to the boat. I didn’t think this was a particularly brilliant idea because we were going to be soaking wet and freezing to start our adventure. I suppose this not only tested our physical endurance, but mental as well. We hoisted our shivering bodies into this old boat and listened to our instructors as they taught us how to navigate the waters in front of us. Fortunately I knew how to sail, so I was eager help my teammates learn how to how to a sail, understand wind direction, and navigate the oceans.

What we did not count on was no wind at all. We were not moving anywhere – we were simply drifting out to sea.  Our instructors did have a support boat trailing way behind us, and when we scratched our heads on what to do next since we could not sail we heard a loud speaker shouting out to us “ROW.”

It was about 40°F and we picked up our oars and started rowing for hours on end. Our hands started to bleed several hours into it and I got a small taste of what it must’ve been like to be a Viking back in the day rowing for what seemed like an endless amount of time. To make the best of a challenging situation we sang songs, told stories, and counted the moments until we arrived at our destination.

When we arrived at the island we were told by our instructors, who kept their distance, to go ashore and set up camp. Unfortunately, it was raining, freezing, and we were unable to set up camp. So, we disembarked from our vessel, set up a campfire, and proceeded to attempt to cook in the rain. Naturally, it did not go particularly well for us as we could not get the fire going. So, we reached into our dry bags and scrounged around for what food we could find. We sat around a lifeless campfire talking about what we had learned that day, the struggles we had endured, and got to know one another on a more intimate level. As the sun set we were told to pile back into our Viking vessel to sleep for the night as it was too wet to set up camp.

Amusingly, although probably not so amusingly at the time, we did not factor in that the tide was coming in, and that the boat was now several hundred yards off the beach. We were not quite sure what to do as we had all of our gear in the boat. Again, from a giant loudspeaker from the support boat we heard our instructors tell us to swim. Once again, fully clothed with our shoes, jackets, backpacks, and gear we swam for the boat.  We desperately tried to tread water with our fully loaded gear to get to the boat. I think we looked like fish out of water flailing about. Once we reached the boat we tag teamed one another by pulling each other up over the side of the sailboat. It was dark, wet, and still frigid. Once we were all loaded up in the boat the only thing to do was to take off half of our clothing and snuggle together for body warmth. It was indeed quite a challenging night, but somehow we ended up laughing despite nearly getting hypothermia.

This adventure continued for several days, and we were not very fortunate because the wind never returned, which prevented us from sailing. There were moments when each of us wanted to give up, but the rest of the group took turns rallying around each person telling us that we could do it, and not to give up.

When we finally arrived back at camp several days later we were back to our regimented routine of getting up at 4:30 in the morning for our 5 mile run, icy swim, and a host of other physical activities to test our mental endurance.

The next adventure on our docket was hiking!

Extreme Mountain Hiking

At this point we had all survived the trip so far and built a very close camaraderie with one another. We were excited to get out of the water and start climbing a mountain. The instructors sat us down and taught us how to navigate a topographical map, and told us to decide who would be our navigators for the trip. The instructor said they would be about a day behind us in case things went sideways, but it was our responsibility to make our way to the top.

We loaded up our 50 to 60lb packs and headed into the lush forest of New Zealand. The ground was wet, slippery, and quite treacherous. We plotted out a course of how to get to the top without falling off the side of the mountain, but we had to make multiple course corrections as we had underestimated the steep terrain. Several of us went sliding down the side of a mountain, and the rest of us had to use ropes to hoist our fellow hiker’s backup. At one point I slipped on a root and went tumbling down what must’ve been several hundred feet. I grabbed onto a tree and let out a bloodcurdling yell for help. My group created a type of human chain-link with ropes in order to pull me back up. I was covered from head to toe in mud with no shower in sight 🙂 I was wet, cold, and contemplating giving up, but the idea of letting my teammates down was not an option.

Several of my teammates started to develop hypothermia from the harsh temperatures so we had to postpone hiking for several hours at a time, pitch a tent, get undressed, and warm them up. There was blood, tears, sweat, and pure determination from all parties to just keep going.

After several days of working together, arguing, nearly giving up, and pushing through our personal endurance levels; we made it to the top of the mountain. It happened to be a gorgeous sunny and cold day where we could see for miles on end the tops of the other mountains. We had climbed 1400 meters on our own despite all of our setbacks. Then the most amazing thing happened… Not only did we see a rainbow, but we saw a circular rainbow around the top of the mountain. It was almost like a sign we had made it, and this was our reward. It was one of the most beautiful natural phenomena I had ever seen. I started crying and I never cry. We pitched our tents, built a fire, and just laughed for hours about what we had accomplished.

As we were headed back down the mountain I took quite a spill and was bleeding from somewhere on my legs, but I just couldn’t tell where as there was so much blood. I limped the rest of the way down, but the pain was excruciating. I later found out that I had sustained a stress fracture on my shin, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to complain to the group at this point. I decided to just push through the pain, probably not the smartest idea at the time, but you must remember I was 17 years old, and extremely stubborn!

I was never so happy to see base camp as I thought we would have several days to recuperate. Of course this was not the case, and the next morning we were off on our next adventure of rock climbing and a high-altitude ropes course.

Blind Folded Rock Climbing

I’m sure many of you have done one of those fun ropes courses, but this one was about 50 feet in the trees. Despite having stress fractures on my shins I was having a blast. I was swinging from tree to tree, pulling myself across ropes high in the air, and just generally feeling exhilarated as I felt like a monkey in the middle of the jungle.

The most memorable moment was rock climbing for me – I had never rock climbed before, but was eager to give it a go. It turns out I was quite adept at rock climbing, so I was challenged to do it blindfolded. I did think they were kidding because I did not know how anybody could rock climb blindfolded. When the blindfold was put on me my nerves were on edge, but my senses were heightened. I started feeling the shapes of the little divots in the rocks where I could put my foot and pull myself up with my hands. Halfway up the mountain I was sure I was going to succeed with flying colors, and then … BAM… I lost my footing and went flying down against the rocks about 50 feet or so. I knocked my head into the rocks, was bleeding all over the place, but thankfully was caught by the harness 🙂

I did start whimpering, but once I regained my composure after falling down a cliff blindfolded I continued to more carefully assess the shape of the rocks. I had a second go of it, and carefully placed 1 hand and 1 foot at more selected rock locations. I am not quite sure how long it took me to get to the top, but when I did I could feel a warm hand on mine whispering “You did it.” I had never felt more accomplished than I did at that moment. Truthfully, I felt like super woman … I was on top of the world, I thought I was invisible, and nothing could hurt me! Once I took my blindfold off I did realize that I was not quite impenetrable to injury as I was bruised all over 🙂

“Solo” Trip – One for the books!

For one of our last adventures we were told to pile into canoes and there would be a surprise waiting for us when we arrived. I could not possibly imagine what kind of surprise would be waiting for us in the wilderness, but this one definitely caught me off guard. We canoed for hours and arrived at a small island with a very large mountain.

We were told not to talk and follow our instructors up the mountain. After about an hour our instructors stopped us and told us we would be embarking on a several day “Solo” trip. I wasn’t quite sure what this entailed, but they explained to us that we would be assigned a very small location on the side of a mountain where we would be alone for several days. We were not allowed to move out of the small designated area, we would be given minimal food, water, a journal, and a tarp for if it rained. This solo experience was one that was meant for each of us to reflect on our lives, convene with nature, and test our will of being alone.

3 apples, 3 carrots, and 2 oat cakes

This was probably the most challenging aspect of the trip for me because at 17 years old I did not want to be alone, I wanted to constantly be going on some type of adventure, and I had no desire to reflect on my life. The time came when I was assigned my area of the mountain. I was on a very steep gradient, but just flat enough where I could sleep at an angle.

In very short order I was left alone and I was not quite sure what to do with myself. So, I laid out my tarp on the ground and tried to build a mini-campsite for myself. I have a picture below of the food that was given to us and I was wondering how I was going to survive on that amount of food for several days, but I figured there are starving folks all over the world, so I would probably be fine.

I had no desire to sit and reflect upon life because I didn’t think I had anything to reflect on. I proceeded to try and get creative by using nature to build a type of fence with sticks, twigs, and bark to keep out the critters at nighttime. I was actually having a ball building a mini-campsite, but several hours into my construction project I knocked over my small bag of food, which went rolling down the mountain. I was just not fast enough and watched my food roll into the distance. I now only had water for the next 3 to 4 days and started to panic. I knew I wasn’t going to starve, but it was going to be a miserable experience without any kind of food whatsoever.… That’s what I was thinking in my mind.

As the hours rolled by I was just flat out bored. I couldn’t look at the trees anymore as I had already memorized my little area that I was confined to, I had set up my camp, and I was ready to go do something. I was trying so hard to follow the rules and not move for my designated location. So, I opened on my journal and started writing. To my great surprise I started ferociously writing about what I was feeling. It turns out that I was uncomfortable with being alone … I had always been around people my whole life and I was not very comfortable with my own thoughts. I had so many ambitions in life at 17 years old and I was disappointed I had not accomplish more my life at the point. I know it sounds absurd now, but I started bawling like a baby wondering how my life would turn out, what I would do, who I would become, etc. I didn’t realize at the time how many expectations I had put on myself at such a young age. Truth be told, it is a problem I struggle with to this day as I set the standard for what I think I should achieve so high that I constantly disappoint myself. It was quite an interesting time of self-reflection.

I fell asleep the first night cold, hungry, and actually quite depressed about what I had learned about myself. I woke up the next morning and tried to turn my day around. I think I was born naturally mischievous, because I just couldn’t sit in my designated location. I could see the ocean from my camp spot, and I decided to wander down the mountain to go explore. I must have missed gauged how steep and slippery the terrain was because I went tumbling headfirst several hundred feet. I’m surprised I didn’t kill myself, but a tree broke my fall. I really injured myself quite well on that one as I was yet again bloody, but was not quite sure where I was bleeding from. I picked myself back up and stumbled down to the ocean. I was washing the blood off my body when I saw mussels attached to the rocks under the water.

At this point I was so hungry and desperate I started peeling off the little suckers from the rocks. I found a sharp rock and pried open the mussels. I slurped raw slimy muscles down my throat as I figured some protein was better than none at all. I wouldn’t recommend it to folks as it’s not like eating raw oysters… Raw mussels have a much more thick and slimy feeling as they are going down your throat 🙂

After about several hours of filling up on mussels, tending to my wounds, and watching the sunset I decided to climb back up to my campsite. That night I was woken up by something nibbling my toes. I opened my eyes and saw these little terrifying red eyes attacking on my feet. Possums! Not a particularly comforting thing to wake up to, but I grabbed a big stick and I think I might’ve hit one because I was swinging as if I was playing in major league baseball.

As the days rolled on I became more comfortable was sitting with my thoughts, writing in my journal, and pretty much just sitting still. I don’t think I had sat still my entire life until that moment. When my instructors came to get me I felt exhausted, but mentally accomplished. It was a very rewarding feeling.

The End of the Road

To finish up our journey together the entire Outward Bound group of around 60 to 70 folks set out to run a half a marathon, half of which was uphill, in the woods. I almost didn’t partake because the stress fractures at the time nearly crippled me, but I was determined to try. I did make my best faith effort to run the whole thing.  There were moments when I kept falling, limping, but kept hearing my teammates behind me telling me to keep going.

When I crossed the finish line I knew I had accomplished something incredibly special. It was my first intense wilderness trip I had ever taken and I was proud of myself. I was addicted… Despite the blood, sweat, and tears of it all there is something so gratifying about finding out where your personal endurance limits lie – both mentally and physically.

10 minutes after completing our half marathon run!

With spinal cord injury I feel the same way. When you accomplish something so small as putting on your makeup, taking a glass from the counter without breaking it, waking up in the morning to survive another day, etc. – it can be very humbling. I may not be able to hike the mountains of New Zealand anymore, but I am always finding new ways to push myself mentally and physically to enjoy the present moment in life. Personally, I currently struggle with living in fear of the future, who will take care of me, etc., but I have to remind myself on a daily basis that we only have the present moment to live life, and at it is a gift in and of itself!

New Zealand Wilderness Survival Trip (Part 1)

After receiving a slew of emails regarding my last blog on my wilderness survival trip in Australia I was asked to write another blog on one of my many wild wilderness adventures. So, today I will diving into my Outward Bound wilderness survival trip in New Zealand in 2000. My recollection of this trip came back to me when one of my old teachers from high school sent me a 5 page email I sent him and the family after my voyage giving a detailed account of all of my adventures. It was wild to read something I had written 18 years ago. Quite frankly I was appalled at my grammar, lack of spelling, misuse of commas, and poor grasp of the English language. 🙂

Regardless, after reading the email it took me back to this trip like I was there yesterday. There was only one surviving photograph from my trip 18 years ago (see below) … The rest of the photos I found pretty similar photos from other folks who participated in this New Zealand Outward Bound Trip over the years.

“The 17-year-old “Ali” with a look of utter joy upon completion of the trip”

Growing up in Europe and then transferring to school in the United States I ended up graduating early from high school. I decided to take some time off before heading to Occidental College in Pasadena, Los Angeles. I decided to embark on a life-changing experience to Beijing, China. However, when I graduated I had several months to spare before heading over to Asia and I couldn’t quite figure out what to do with my summer. I had been on previous adventure trips in my early teens, but none of them really offered me a test of my endurance and will.

I rigorously started researching different outdoor survival programs and came across Outward Bound. Outward Bound was originally founded to help troubled teenagers using trips into the wilderness to teach them responsibility, leadership, accountability, etc. Initially I had hesitations as I did not consider myself conventionally troubled, but I really liked the idea of a challenge. I went on their website, but you must remember in 2000 websites were still quite primitive, so I did not have that much information to go on, but I signed up for a trip as far away as I could possibly go. New Zealand was the winner!

When I graduated high school I went back home to the Bahamas for several weeks to start training because I read that there was a physical fitness test one had to pass upon arriving in New Zealand. Every morning the Bahamas I would wake up at the crack of dawn, run several miles in 90° heat, stripped down to my bathing suit into the crystal-clear Bahamian waters and swim for hours, do an ungodly amount of sit ups, push-ups, and whatever else I could think of. I was 17 years old and the time had come to fly 27 hours to the other side of the world. I wasn’t quite sure what gear I had to pack, so I packed light, and I was told what I needed would be provided for me when I reached my destination. Continue reading



I’m often asked what keeps me going during those dark times, seemingly insurmountable challenges I constantly face with spinal cord injury, and how I remain determined to try and live a life that does not consume me with anger for everything I have been through. I must admit there are times when I do feel like giving up, but there’s something inside me that keeps telling me to push forward just a little bit more each day. I’m sure everyone who has dealt with tragedy in their life have their own coping techniques, but I attribute much of what I’ve accomplished to who I was before the accident.

You must remember I had 27 years of my life before I broke my neck and only 7 ½ years of being paralyzed. My parents raised me to always be curious, challenge the unknown, explore life beyond your comfort zone, and above all be kind to others. I was an extremely mischievous teenager, to say the least, but somehow I always managed to get myself out of uniquely perplexing situations before things went south. I like to think that I was “Responsibly Irresponsible.” I would plan out an adventure, write down all of the things that could possibly go wrong, how I would fix them, and then hope for the best.

To understand a little bit more about my nature I’d like to tell you a tale of one of my many adventures that would always bring me back to a path of serenity and focus when things were not going my way in life. I’ve always traveled around the world, much of it on my own, and I would find myself getting bogged down in life’s drama, people, the stresses of self-expectations I would constantly put on myself with respect to what I was hoping to accomplish by what age, etc. With this in mind, I started embarking on wilderness survival adventures around the world as a young teenager. As the years progressed I would find different wilderness adventure companies that challenged me physically, mentally, and really tested my strength of will in the wilderness for months on end.

At 23 years old I had just graduated from the University of Miami, could not find a job because, frankly, I was much too cocky for my own good, I started to get into drugs, and I just could not see a way out of life. Eventually, I made a decision to sign up for a very intense several month wilderness survival course in Western Australia, specifically the Kimberly Mountains.

On this trip I would be accompanied by 10 to 12 fellow hikers and one instructor. On these trips you learn to navigate the rough terrains of the Australian outback in degrees sweltering over 100° per day, carrying a 60-80lb pack on your back, hiking from water source to water source, sometimes killing your own food, navigating topographical maps with only a compass and no GPS, building leadership skills, and running into whatever dangers might be headed your way that day. I had already been on several wilderness adventures, but this was going to be by far the most challenging for me mentally and physically.

I purchased all of my necessary gear, did my research, and flew over 25 hours to reach my destination in Boone, Australia, which was located on the West Coast of the continent. I didn’t know what I was in for at that time, but I was eager to get my head on straight so I could find some clarity in life at 23 years old. I might’ve been having a midlife crisis of 23… Who knows 🙂 I arrived at a hostile the night before I was set to meet my team, and wrote in my journal about how I was feeling at that moment. I was feeling like a failure, low, curious as to how I was going to get my life going, I just broken up with a very serious boyfriend, and I had no idea where life was about to lead me.


Our Group on Day 1 before the Adventures Begin

I woke up bright and early at the crack of dawn the next morning, and met my team at the designated location at 6 AM in the morning. We went through a several hour orientation, were ordered to get rid of most of the things we had prepared to bring, and instructed to only pack what we were comfortable to carry for over eight hours a day. The packs normally ranged between 60 to 80lbs. There were, of course, a few items I stuck in my pack because I simply could not do without them. I was wearing contact lenses at the time, so I clearly needed to bring my contact solution, a little mirror, and antibacterial solution for my fingers. I refused to wear glasses … I don’t know why. I also snuck in a couple extra pairs of clean socks and underwear, and biodegradable baby wipes. We were supposed to dig holes in the wilderness when we had to use the bathroom and wipe our bums with leaves. I had done this on one of my prior wilderness survival trips, and let me tell you the amount of poison ivy I got in places where the sun does not shine was no joke! So, I stuck these little babies in when no one was looking 🙂 Continue reading

Moving Mountains Paralyzed: An Insurance Battle to Remember!

When I think of Moving Mountains Paralyzed Insurance Companies the analogy of a Goat herder comes to mind. The Goatherder will watch out for its flock as long as it produces enough fur for the season for the goat herder to line his financial pockets. The moment the goat gets out of line or stops growing fur, the herder will slaughter the goat, and eat it for dinner.

Similarly to insurance companies … As long as you pay your premium and don’t step out of line an insurance company will offer you basic protection. However, if you start creating a commotion, appealing everything, and asking for more — insurance companies will find some way to slap you with financial bills that seem unimaginable.
Since my accident 7 ½ years ago I’ve been a goat that has been slaughtered by insurance companies and I have also been a goat that has managed to break free. Navigating the waters of insurance companies to get what you need, especially when you are paralyzed, requires voracious tenacity, extreme dedication, a lot of hard work, patience, and knowledge of how to work within grey areas.

Read the rest on Push living magazine at:



I will preface this blog by saying for family and friends who do not want to know too much about my intimate sexual life you may want to skip the second half of this blog 😉

However, considering my blog is about Sex, sass and Spinal Cord Injury Adventures … I would be remiss not stay true to topic!

A majority of folks who sustain a spinal cord injury suffer from extreme chronic pain in many forms after their accident. Before I broke my neck I would look at somebody in a wheelchair and wonder what they felt? … I thought they couldn’t feel their legs or their stomach, etc. Boy was I wrong on so many accounts!

Many of us suffer from something called Neuropathic Pain. Essentially, it is nerve pain that manifests itself in different ways throughout the body 24/7. It’s almost like a cruel joke to be paralyzed and feel pain from the inside out. Regardless, this pain can result in feelings of pins and needles, burning fire, glass cutting you from the inside out, etc. It is different for every person.

Regardless, this chronic pain never goes away and can affect our daily lives with respect to productivity, quality of life, focus, and so much more. I find being paralyzed quite easy at this point in my SCI career, but you never quite get used to the chronic pain.

Personally, I suffer from 4 serious chronic pains at the same time, which can completely throw me off my game on certain days.

  1. Neuropathic Pain from the chest down and in my arms – feels like burning pins and needles day and night
  2. Hypersensitivity on my hands and forearms – feels like little shards of glass cutting me at all times
  3. Neck Pain – from multiple surgeries I have scar tissue damage that prevents me from sitting up in my chair too long, and feels like someone is slowly cutting me with a butter knife on the back of my neck
  4. Shoulder Pain – I suppose due to overuse it is a combination of nerve damage, musculoskeletal damage, myofascial pain, and soft tissue damage

Since my accident 7 ½ years ago I have always been on the mission to reduce my pain as opposed to finding a cure with respect to stem cell therapy for walking. I have tried so many techniques, of which two I find to be the most successful. However, the pain is always with me no matter what I do – although pain is just a signal from the brain, so I am convinced that if I keep trying I will be able to reduce it greatly on a permanent level one day!

I have tried:

  1. Opioids – definitely not recommended as opioids just make you drown out life and they don’t actually work on the right receptors in the brain for nerve pain
  2. Acupuncture
  3. Electrical Stimulation Acupuncture
  4. Neural Muscular Massage
  5. Meditation/Hypnosis
  6. Physical Therapy
  7. Lithium Protocol – this one nearly killed me as it can be very dangerous
  8. Sex
  9. Distraction
  10. Cold Laser Therapy

I’m sure there are few more I am forgetting, but I’m constantly trying to find new ways to reduce pain. The two most successful methods I’ve found in my life are Meditation/Hypnosis and Sex. I will dive into these two a little bit further.



Considering pain is just a signal from the brain hypnosis and meditation can be very effective, but only if you practice regularly, and are disciplined in your efforts.

I worked with a hypnosis instructor who helped me for over a year creating guided visualizations for me to listen to at 30 minute increments. Meditation is more challenging for me because when I sit quietly all of the feelings of pain are in the forefront of my mind. With hypnosis I find with gentle music in the background and guided instructions I use my mind to enter a world I created to reduce pain. It is kind of like a special room where enter through a red door and inside that room is a beautiful lake and ocean with clouds, beaches, and floaty toys.  I’ve taught myself to look down at my body and leave my pain floating above. I know it sounds peculiar, but with years of practice it really helps reduce the pain on the days where the pain just seems unbearable.

Admittedly, I should practice every day, which I don’t do religiously anymore, but it is one of my 2018 resolutions to continue to rigorously get back into it.

I go into a dark closet, tilt my chair back, and listen to the recording. The burning feeling of pins and needles changes to a cool and relaxing feeling. It is hard to describe unless you practice this on your own, and it may be hard to believe that this actually works.

In the beginning I could barely sit still for five minutes, but that’s how you have to start. Try meditation or hypnosis for one minute, then work up to two, then three, etc. There are so many recordings online that you can download for free, and you have to find a voice that is soothing to you, which can relax you.



The second most effective technique for reducing my pain, if you can believe it, is
SEX.  Sex is a natural pain reliever — Sex causes increased production of oxytocin, which is often referred to as the “love hormone.” Before orgasm, oxytocin, released from the brain, surges and is accompanied by the release of endorphins, our natural pain-killing hormones.

When you are paralyzed from the chest down the feeling of sex is quite different than what used to be … It is not “Normal” in the sense of the way things feel. While I cannot orgasm in the traditional sense I still have my own type of feeling from sexual intercourse. Continue reading

“SCI” SUPER MOM’S – An Endangered Species!



A little over 10 years ago BBC produced a television mini-series called “Planet Earth.” They spent five years filming unique exotic environments, plants, and animals all over the world. There was one episode where the film crew spent months in subzero Himalayan temperatures trying to film the endangered snow leopard. After many failed attempts they finally caught the snow leopard on camera for the first time. These leopards are so unique and not many exist, that we know of, in the world today.

An “SCI” (Spinal Cord Injury) Mom is an endangered species of human being, like that of the snow leopard, that are far and few between throughout the world. In general, the bond between a mother and child is so unique and unbreakable. When a child has a severe injury, such as breaking their neck, a mom goes into protection mode in order to provide the safest, best, and happiest environment for their child. However, not all moms are cut out to be SCI moms.

An SCI mom goes above and beyond, dedicates her life to her child, puts their needs above their own life, and puts up with more heartache than perhaps even the child going through the injury themselves. Generally a child starts fleeing the nest in their 20’s, starts their own life, and the parents move on to other adventures in their life because while their job is never done, the daily nitty-gritty caring aspect for their child is complete. With a spinal cord injury the reverse happens.


A dedicated and loving family member puts their life on hold once again to care for their injured child as if they were a baby, but it never ends. Continue reading

A Day in a Life of this Quadriplegic – Managing Expectations


I’ve often been asked what a typical day looks like for me as a quadriplegic (quad). While every quad is different I can confidently generalize that with being paralyzed and fully dependent one has to spend a minimum of several hours a day dealing with general spinal cord injury care. I can only speak to my personal experience, but over the last 7 years I’ve had to widely adjust my expectations about how much I can get accomplished in a day.

Regardless if you suffer from a spinal cord injury or not, one has to manage their expectations on a daily basis. If you are a mother of four small children or a high-powered attorney who has a full docket of cases to review with a family at home, how you manage your time is essential.

I am the type of person who likes to be extremely productive and utilize every moment of every day in order to learn something new, enjoy life, trying to things, and get things done. I have a full-time job, which requires immense attention on a regular basis. This does prevent me from getting out and about as I would like during the weekdays. However, this is my choice and professional productivity is very important to me. The challenge with being paralyzed is that you have to devote so many hours a day to general survival for your healthcare.

I was calculating out the amount of hours I spend on essential spinal cord injury care each day, how much exercise I engage in, how many hours I need to work, and most importantly, how this all fits in with my constant chronic nerve pain that feels like pins and needles piercing my body every moment of every day. Needless-to-say this can be challenging.

It turns out that I need about 4 hours at minimum to complete my bowel and bladder care, shower, getting in and out of bed, and general caregiving activities each day. I then exercise for about 1.5 hours a day. These are the essentials I need just to survive on a daily basis. The particular challenge with respect to my situation is with the chronic nerve pain that plagues me on a daily basis because my productivity goes way down mid-afternoon. This means I need to get in bed early, relax, meditate, and try to re-direct my pain in order to sleep well to be productive the next day.

I generally get most of my busy work done in the morning, work quietly until mid-afternoon, and then get in bed early.  Over the years I’ve pushed myself to the brink of exhaustion, pain breakouts, and complete misery with trying to get too much done in a day. I’m not including the periods in life where anxiety or depression can take over, which can further drastically reduce one’s productivity in a day due to emotional up’s and down’s.

What a typical able-bodied person gets done in a workday of approximately 8-10 hours I have to get complete in no more than 4 to 5 hours. Continue reading

CAREGIVING – Living in Fear or Trust

The topic of caregiving is a very tricky one to navigate. This is an extremely sensitive topic for me and can be challenging for me to even write about.

I preface this blog by stating it is written from my personal and dozens of other spinal cord injury folk’s perspectives with respect to our experiences. As a quadriplegic, paralyzed from the chest down, I am fully dependent on another human being for my daily care from bathing, bowel program, catheter changing, dressing, cooking, etc. It can be tremendously challenging to have to rely on another human being to take care of you on a daily basis. But unbelievably heartening to know that there are people out there who dedicate their lives to wanting to help others.

The read the rest on Push living magazine at:

My Experience with Dating a Woman in a Wheelchair (Written by my Boyfriend)


Recently Aaron, my boyfriend, wrote an awesome article on Push Living Magazine talking about what it is like to date a woman in a wheelchair. It’s a pretty cool article, which you can read on:

…  The real question at the time was, did the chair bother me? Clearly, I am in love with the women, so, no it did not deter me from dating her. I suppose most guys have a million questions running through their head when starting to date a woman in a wheelchair, but when I met her, I didn’t see the wheelchair …I saw her…





Six months after breaking my neck in 2010 a gentleman sent me a Facebook message telling me that he thought I was very cute and he wanted to suck my toes. He informed me he was a Devotee. Of course I had no idea what this meant at the time, so I asked around to some of my other friends who had been injured longer than I had. They told me that a Devotee is a person who is attracted to folks in wheelchairs. I was then advised to stay away from them at all costs because they were very creepy and that it was unnatural for people to be attracted to just the wheelchair.

This got me thinking. There are so many people out there in the world with all kinds of fetishes from being tied up, whipped, electrocuted, swingers, etc. I was curious as to why someone who is attracted to people in wheelchairs is any different?

Can we really help who we are attracted to?

Some guys like big breasts, overweight women, blonde hair, blue eyes, etc. Just because you don’t frequently hear about people attracted to other people in wheelchairs does not make it, in my opinion, creepy right off the bat. Of course there is always a small segment of the population in any group who give the rest of the group a bad name.

Think about it … That macho guy who slaps women on the ass, calls them “sweetie,” and may tell them that he likes their big breasts. This type of guy gives other guys who like women with big breasts a bad name. There are plenty of men who like women with big breasts, but they don’t necessarily advertise this publicly at first. They may go up to a woman, start a conversation, get to know them, and later on in the relationship it may come out that they were initially attracted to that specific woman because of their breasts.

I think one of the challenges with folks who are Devotees is that it is such an unspoken attraction that no one talks about. First of all, from a number’s perspective, there just simply aren’t as many people in wheelchairs in the world as there are women with big breasts. Secondly, there are many Devotees out there who don’t put their picture on Facebook and then write you a creepy message. Clearly, this is not the best way to initially garner positive attention from a person in a wheelchair. Devotees should probably strike up a conversation and get to know them before announcing they are attracted to women in wheelchairs.  This has personally happened to me countless times.

Several years ago when I was living in China I was approached by a “Devotee.” He messaged me on Facebook to tell me that he thought I was attractive and that he was a Devotee. I decided to take that particular opportunity and dive into really understanding what it was about women in wheelchairs this guy was attracted to.

He was from Switzerland, physics was his passion, good looking, and he had a very well-to-do job in the gaming world. We struck up a series of conversations, which I’ve saved over the years, and I learned that he was specifically attracted to quadriplegic women in power wheelchairs. He seemed to like paralyzed feet quite a lot, massaging them, and the idea of helping women cut, and eat their food. At first I thought this was a little odd, but I tried to remain open-minded as I probed further. Fortunately, he was very polite and only asked progressive questions when I permitted them. He told me that he saw a woman in a wheelchair in a magazine when he was a teenager and there was an unbelievably strong attraction right off the bat. From then on he was fascinated and drawn to women in wheelchairs.

Once we got past all of his questions about what I had to deal with on a daily basis in a wheelchair I finally got to know him as a person. I think he was just so curious because he said no other women in wheelchairs would give him the time of day. I asked him, as I have asked dozens of Devotees over the years, if he leads with telling women he is a Devotee? He said yes as many others did as well. I did tell him this probably was not the best way to get the attention of any woman. I planted the idea in his head that if he was attracted to a woman with big breasts would he Facebook message them to tell them he thought they were attractive because of their big breasts? He said he certainly would not do that … Well, I told him it was the same concept with a person in a wheelchair.

While there are always exceptions to the rule, many women want to find a guy who sees them and not just the wheelchair. Of course with guys who are not Devotees many of them only see the wheelchair, decide it is too much for them to handle, and do not get to know the person or even give them a chance. Continue reading