I’ve always been curious by nature whether that be understanding the physics of a white dwarf star in our universe or diving into the world of neural plasticity to study how the brain can change itself or simply figuring out why human history always seems to repeat itself. There is no topic to simple or complex that doesn’t intrigue me in some fashion.
Over this past weekend I took a few hours, as I often do on lazy Saturday mornings, to poke around the Internet to stimulate my intellectual curiosity on unknown topics. Much to my surprise, I stumbled upon a short video clip produced by Business Insider Today on the topic of the Digital Sex Industry. I must admit this is not a topic I have given much thought to, or ever for that matter, but it piqued my curiosity leading me down my proverbial inquisitiveness rabbit hole.
The wheels in my head started turning as I was thinking about sex, which many of you know I’m very open about and cannot understand why sex is such a taboo topic to discuss in public – much like money or religion. In any event, I wanted to explore the rise in the digital sex industry over the last several years, and in particular, how the industry has changed over the last two months in light of Covid-19. Continue reading
In light of world events and the seriousness of everything many of us are going through with Covid-19 I thought it might be fun to talk about something completely off topic and also nothing related to spinal cord injury either!
The following is a tale of my adventurous and crazy exploits when I lived in China at a ripe old age of 17 and how I managed to land myself in Jail in Northern China near the border of Siberia.
I graduated high school at 17 and had no desire to rush off to college as so many do. I decided to defer my acceptance into college for a year or so, but I had no idea where I wanted to go or what I wanted to do. I walked into my father’s office and found one of those globes that spin around in a circle. I closed my eyes and my finger landed on Beijing, China. Continue reading
It all started with two little pills – one from above and one from below …
There are not often medical stories in my life that end up in giggles, smiles, and rainbows, but I am proud to say this one did!
In my adolescent years of spinal cord injury I developed several pulmonary embolism’s causing me to take blood thinners for several years. As a result, high levels of estrogen in my blood (found in many contraceptive pills), which have the tendency to cause blood clots, would forever leave me in a situation where estrogen could quite literally kill me. This posed a challenge for me as I became sexually active several years following my accident.
In my particular case, becoming pregnant would very likely result in my untimely demise. Needless-to-say after being killed by several medical professionals years earlier due to a cockup with a certain medication; I was not particularly keen to repeat this experience nor have a little bun in my oven of my own. Continue reading
The last five weeks have been a world wind of adventure and new beginnings for my husband and me. We went down to Miami for three weeks in the middle of October for our annual relaxation and recharge trip to see friends, family, and explore new handicap accessible adventures.
We returned back to Raleigh, North Carolina to quickly close on our first condo home together! It’s been nonstop the last two weeks working with contractors to make my bathroom accessible before we move into our new home in the New Year. So many wonderful changes, but we’ve been busy. So, I apologize for the Quirky Quad hiatusJ
While we were in Miami we were surrounded by friends and family on so many adventures, relaxing at Tiki hut bars, having piña colada’s at sunset, taking accessible boat rides at Shake-a-Leg sailing school, and so much more.
However, this year I really wanted to be able to get into the ocean, snorkel, and go on new adventures. I looked far and wide, but I could not find any accessible boats that had a seat to lower me into the ocean so I could go snorkeling with my husband.
I broke my neck in the Bahamas 9 years ago at my home and other than a brief dalliance in the ocean on a cruise in Mexico two years ago, I’ve been unable to get back into the beautiful waters of the ocean. I’d like to head back to the Bahamas in the next year or so, but I wanted practice to make sure I could swim as well in the ocean as I am able to in the pool.
On our trip to Miami last year many of my wheelchair friends told me about this gentleman named Captain (Capt.) Mick who runs a nonprofit organization called Tranquil Adventures in Key Largo (https://activedisabledamericans.org/). Somehow time got away from us last year, but this year I was determined to make it happen. Continue reading
“Inspiration Porn” is a term I have been reading about lately in many articles across different forums. At first I was confused as to what was behind the meaning, but from my understanding, it’s when people who don’t know you see you in a wheelchair, approach you, and tell you what an inspiration you are. Mind you they don’t have any back story on who you may be except that they see a person in a wheelchair or with a disability. They then proceed to tell you what an inspiration you and I assume it is meant for simply being in a wheelchair.
There appears to be much controversy over this as many folks, whom I have spoken with, are not necessarily offended, but frustrated at the fact that able-bodied people see them as an inspiration for just having a disability. You may be a lazy person with no ambition, but simply because you are in a wheelchair you are an inspiration to them. I can certainly understand why this would aggravate many because people with disabilities since they just want to be seen as “normal” people who are complemented on being inspiration for what they do; not just for the fact that they are in a wheelchair.
However, I have a slightly different outlook and perhaps my dark sense of humor might contribute to this, but when someone calls me an inspiration even when I am just sitting quietly in a corner I always seem to find myself chuckling in amusement. Also, I love to be different and my wheelchair is just one part of my life that sets me apart from many others.
The way I look at it is this – Continue reading
Aaron and I are getting married next Saturday, May 18. We’ve invited 70 of our close friends and family. Originally we started with only 30 guests, but somehow we’ve ended up with 70 guests 🙂 It’s going to be such a magical day as there are so many family friends I have not seen in over a decade. We have a weekend full of events to celebrate. We are very excited and scrambling to finalize last-minute details.
Unfortunately, I’ve developed bronchitis at the most inopportune time and have been battling it for the last several weeks. I have one week to go before the wedding and I am doing everything in my power to get well quickly.
It’s been a challenging several weeks as bronchitis for quadriplegics can be immensely difficult since we do not have abdominal muscles to help us cough up that nasty phlegm associated with bronchitis. It’s not a pretty sight! However, dealing with any kind of illness as a quadriplegic requires help from caregivers, family members, and loved ones. I’ve had a team of people helping me over the last several weeks for which I am extremely grateful.
I have locked myself down in my house for the last 3 weeks and have had many hours to rest, read, and recuperate. I came across this article written by the New Yorker on the topic of “What Romance really means after 10 years of Marriage.” The basic premise of the article addressed how the definition of a romance and sexiness changes after a decade of marriage. This really resonated with me because from the perspective of dating a person with a disability I find that Aaron and I have transformed our definition of romance in just a few short years, which I suspect takes many couples a decade to achieve.
Let me explain. Continue reading
The other week I was watching my fiancé wake up in the morning to get ready for a trip he was preparing to embark on. As I watched him bright and early in the morning I thought how seamlessly he could get ready as compared to myself. When he felt the need to go to the bathroom, he simply went; when he wanted to brush his teeth he just grabbed a toothbrush and started brushing; when he was ready to put his clothes on he picked up both his legs, put them in his pants, and zipped up his fly. These may seem like trivial things, but I was watching in complete amazement because these are things that I need help with on a daily basis, and will continue to need help with for the rest of my life.
There is a topic, however, whether you are paralyzed or not, that is just kind of taboo to talk about in society. Bowel and Bladder. Going to the bathroom is such a natural function that we all go through every single day and many of us do not give it a second thought. When you feel the need to pee you sit down on the toilet and go. When you have to poop you sit down on the toilet, push, nature takes its course, and you’re done. These are not things you generally want to think about as many couples who have been married for decades still close the door when they go to the bathroom. I, on the other hand, need help with these functions all day long.
You see, when one sustains a spinal cord injury the nerves that control how you go to the bathroom are wrapped around the coccyx area of the spinal cord. This means that no matter what level of spinal cord injury you sustain whether you are a quadriplegic or paraplegic, your bathroom functions will be impaired — No matter what! However, there are some folks with spinal cord injury who do have some control, but if you are a quadriplegic like myself, it is likely that you have pretty minimal control of going to the bathroom on your own, feeling when you need to go to the bathroom, or are able to do it by yourself.
What does this actually mean? Continue reading
…If only air travel for a complete C6 quadriplegic paralyzed from the chest down were so easy! Since my accident nearly 8 years ago I have flown a handful of times. Most of my flying expeditions consisted of me moving across the world to China back in 2013, which involved flying an aircraft for over 15 hours at a time. Back then flying seemed incredibly daunting, but I always had a village of the family to help me along the way. I had never flown with just one other person before…
… I read many reviews on different airlines and I decided upon Delta Airlines. I was looking at prices and I knew I wanted to fly economy because if I wanted to travel in the future saving money for business class would take away from money I could spend on adventures to wherever we would be flying to. However, I decided to take baby steps. I sprung for an extra $100-$200 and upgraded to Delta Comfort. Delta Comfort Class is essentially Economy Plus. This gives you a few extra inches of legroom, which I thought for our first mission would be appropriate considering that I needed the extra room for my knees because I am so tall. …
Read the rest on Push Living Magazine:
Several months ago my boyfriend and I were set to celebrate our two-year anniversary of being together. We wanted to take our first solo vacation somewhere tropical and most importantly we wanted to do it alone. Needless-to-say I was quite nervous at the prospect of having my partner take care of me with respect to all aspects of caregiving, and travel. He is such a phenomenal individual in that he has always been interested in making sure that he could take care of me by helping me dressed, showering me, taking care of my bathroom needs, and, most importantly, ferociously loving me! It took us quite a while to get to the point where I was comfortable showing a man those intimate details of my care, and all of the “not so sexy stuff” that comes along with dating a woman in a wheelchair. The point is we finally got there over the last several years, so I thought it only natural to take the next step to see if we could really take our relationship to the next level, and travel alone together.
After countless hours of exploring our options, I decided that a cruise was probably our best bet. It was cost-efficient, I could take as many bags as I needed on the ship, and I could easily take both my wheelchairs. I live in Raleigh, North Carolina, so I knew I could drive 9 to 12 hours down to Florida in my van with all of my gear. One thing the two of us love to do is swim together, sit by the ocean, and go on adventures. I thought starting out with a seven day vacation down to the Western Caribbean would give us enough time to enjoy ourselves, but not too long in case things went sideways.
I posted a detailed account of our journey day by day on my personal blog if you are interested in every step of our journey. For the purposes of this article, I want to summarize some of the pros and cons of cruising as a handicap passenger.
Read the rest on Push Living Magazine: https://pushliving.com/cruise-ship-adventures-wheelchairs/
Who knew that my first serious long-term adult relationship would be after my spinal cord injury? I certainly did not! I was always the type of girl to have 1 foot in a relationship and 1 foot out in my 20’s. When I would break up with the guy I would usually move cities or countries. Truth be told after my accident I figured I had my shot at relationships and I would likely be single the rest of my life, which I was surprisingly okay with for many years. When I first started dating in a wheelchair I had an array of gentleman callers in order to explore my sexuality years after my accident. I’ve written about my dating adventures in multiple blogs, but I’ve never really touched on the subject of how my current boyfriend and I have grown to fall deeply, and madly in love.
It was not until this past year that I really started to understand what emotional intimacy meant and how one really has to work at it keep a relationship alive. In my opinion, emotional intimacy is the glue which holds a long-term relationship together. Even if you have a super strong connection initially, the more time you spend with someone and the better you get to know them, the deeper your connection can become — and emotional intimacy in a long-term relationship is so much different than emotional intimacy in a brand-new relationship.
In new relationships we can reflectively listen, spend quality time with our partner without distraction, and make thoughtful gestures to build closeness.
At the time I didn’t realize what this meant, but approaching relationships from a slightly different angle with spinal cord injury has made me appreciate what this means. When I first started dating my boyfriend I spent the first year actively keeping him out of every aspect of my spinal cord injured life with respect to caregiving. I wanted to take the time to get to know him as a person, and, more importantly, I truly believed that keeping the “paralyzed” part of our relationship was the best way for us to grow. Looking back, I am happy with the results, but I probably could’ve shared all of me sooner as opposed to just part of me. Continue reading