Dating – a word loaded with so many emotions and often, a word that evokes the feeling of being utterly overwhelmed. If you add in dating with a disability, heightened anxiety tends to be the “norm” in our community.
After I broke my neck in 2010, becoming a C6 quadriplegic, I spent the better part of six years believing dating was a fairytale conceived for the able-bodied population.
I went through internal struggles living in hospitals for years on end with seemingly insurmountable medical complications and learning to accept my body the way it was. I didn’t see myself as a sexually beautiful human being. Essentially, I felt as if I was asexual, and I couldn’t fathom the concept of another person finding me sexy because I couldn’t muster up the strength to even look at myself in the mirror for nearly two years.
When my medical life started to become stable, something very interesting happened to me almost overnight – I decided to take on the Herculean mission of trying to date. I didn’t know where to start. Prior to my accident I had no trouble dating. I simply went to a bar and there were men everywhere. When I went back to bars in my wheelchair, trying to meet men, I was devastated to realize men were not looking at me as they used to. I didn’t look any different other than the fact that I was in a wheelchair. This changed everything for me.
I quickly came to the realization that I was going to have to change how I date. I spent several weeks researching different online dating websites and decided to take the dive into an unfamiliar world. I asked many of my friends in wheelchairs what their experiences were like and most responses were quite negative, unfortunately.
I had a different philosophy – the worst someone can say is no. ….”
New YouTube Video Out — Quirky Quad “Shower Talk with Ali” — UNCENSORED!
I bet you don’t know a lot of people that have spent a year in bed. Why would you? This is definitely not normal. I’ve written about it before, but I take you on my video journey with probably more information and photos then you care to look at, on what my life was like when suffering from a major pressure sore down to my tailbone in 2015.
This is a story of hardship, triumph, mental fortitude, sexy ICU Photoshoot’s, a ton of dark humor, and how I survived an extremely traumatic experience in my life.
Most people think the physical side of living in your bedroom for nearly a year looking at four walls was the most challenging part with all of the surgery, but it really was all mental!
Some of the strategies I employed in my own life have allowed me to get to where I am today and be who I am today! Leaving my professional skill sets aside, having a lived experience with disability makes so many of us profoundly capable of so much more than society and companies give us credit for.
We only need the chance to prove that we are incredibly resilient human beings, intelligent, resourceful, seriously organized, incredible at paying attention to detail, and determined to succeed more than most I would argue.
Enjoy, but I will warn you there are some graphics that might be a little bit disturbing, but are 110% real life.
Living with a spinal cord injury as a quadriplegic is no joke. Death is quite literally around every corner every day of the year. Food for thought when you think about perspective in life.
Love, Sex & Orgasms …Yup, I went there live on Rebel Love Podcast!It was a blast speak with Talia on so many subjects and shedding light on disability and sexuality.
Naturally this is a topic near and dear to my heart since my website has a tagline on this very topic!I don’t know if many of you know this, but my entire advocacy mission in life started 6 years ago because of a dating experiment I would write about on my Facebook page.
This is actually how the QUIRKY QUAD Diaries was founded… Simply trying to show women with disabilities that a love life is absolutely possible even in a wheelchair
Also, to be completely honest it was super fun to write about sex at a time when I was dealing with major life changing surgeries!
Here’s the intro of what the podcast is all about – FEET FIRST:
“Ali Ingersoll had a somewhat charmed upbringing, attending boarding school abroad, going on amazing adventures and taking advantage of every opportunity that showed up. Then a life-changing accident happened when Ali took a head-first dive into shallow water. Feet First not only describes Ali’s plea for anyone jumping into shallow water, but also how she has lived her life, both before and after the accident. While she is now restricted to a wheelchair, Ali continues to live life to the fullest – wait until you hear her dating stories (sorry, guys, she is now happily married!) – we were both laughing hysterically. This in no way means Ali hasn’t had ups and downs – indeed, she speaks very candidly about her challenges and dark days. However, in her toughest moments, she has developed an incredible resilience and a “radical acceptance” that we cannot help being inspired by.
Ali reminded us of this quote which we think perfectly sums up how she lives her life:
Disasters lead to the best stories – Ali Ingersoll
Ali Ingersoll is a day trader, consultant, disability advocate, writer, blogger, editor, and public speaker. She started her advocacy mission after being repeatedly denied medically necessary equipment by insurance companies over the last 10 years since becoming a C6 quadriplegic and full-time wheelchair user after a shallow water diving accident.”
Ali’s passion lies in coaching people with disabilities on how to improve their quality of life by teaching them to self-advocate in order to live a life of independence, dignity, and grace.
Ali has a firm philosophy of paying it forward by giving back to the community through outreach, working together, and building each other up. She believes it’s important to band together as one in order to affect the greatest change on the national stage and in local communities.”